I think I’m going insane. I don’t know what is going on with me but the past few weeks I have felt like my world is crashing to an end. And what scared me the most; I think my relationship is on rocks because of the emotion wreck I have been.

Is it PMS? I don’t think so because it’s been going on for about a month. Why do I feel like this? Because so many people around me are getting married, having kids, or finding out they are having a kid. Back in the day I would not have cared, but I think things are different because I have a chance to not be lonely for the rest of my life.

I love my boyfriend with all my heart but I know that I am doing nothing but pushing him away. I don’t mean to but it’s happening. I’m pushing him away because (1) all of the other relationships have been the same and (2) I don’t want to fall madly in love with him only to have my heart yanked out of my chest.

I pray everyday that my mind will be clear of these thoughts but something happens that triggers them. I don’t know what else to do. Should I talk to someone? Possibly, but I don’t have the money to do that.

I just don’t know what to do…